This is the true story (true story!) of real events, that happen in the real world, that bug the shit out of me. I write about them, to find out, what happens, when people stop acting like mindless sheep and start getting real.
The Blair Witch Project: The Real Horror Of It All
I don't think that there is much that can be said about BLAIR WITCH that hasn't been said already. Its the topic of choice in almost every magazine, entertainment TV show and webboard around. Everyone has an opinion and everyone,just like a culture raised on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT would, has a witty and catchy sound bite to go along with it. Its as if the whole of America is attempting to fill the absent shoes of Gene Siskel.
THE BORE WITCH PROJECT. THE BLAIR WEAK PROJECT. THE BLAIR WOW PROJECT. THE BLAIR SCARE. I could sit here and rattle off these second rate sound bites all day. What has happened to our society when everyone decides to review movies instead of talk about them?
There is no discussion, no give and take, no sharing of theories, just endless one-sided conversations. Its almost as if the world has begun to channel the aforementioned recently deceased film critic. There have always been people who review movies rather then discuss them, but never as widespread as this. I think we should call in Mulder and Scully at this point. If anyone can banish the restless soul of Gene Siskel, its them. Hell, they could even call the episode THE SISKEL BANISHMENT PROJECT.
Another interesting phenomena brought about by BLAIR WITCH is empathic audience experience Oddly enough, audiences seem to be having the same feelings about BLAIR WITCH when they watch it. Of course scientific study hasn't confirmed this, but if you ask any one of these junior critics what the rest of the audience thought of the movie, eerily, everyone will have had the exact same thoughts about it.
These are a sample of this odd, and curious phenomenon: "I hated this flick, I was bored to tears, and so was the entire audience, we all hated it." "I was scared shitless, and so was everyone else. We were about as freaked out as you could get." "I dunno, I didn't hate it, but I was rather bored. So was everyone else in the theater. No one thought it was bad, just not very good either." "Most of the audience walked out to their cars in groups because we were all scared, it was funny, people were afraid to go to their cars. Its as if they were scared of finding piles of rocks surrounding their car."
Fascinating. Entire groups of people joined in a mass movie opinion. And we have to commend these young Siskels and their commitment to science by stopping the entire movie theater and polling them before they could leave. Just so this bizarre and curious event could be recorded for further study. I wonder if they thought to record the groups sound bite of choice?
One more odd incident to come out of the release of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is something that actually has been seen before. Its called Pun Unity, when an entire world latches onto a pun based on something from an overwhelmingly popular movie, and doesn't let go of it for months, even years. We've seen it before with the mid-'90s "Show Me The Money" Incident.
This torturous year-and-a-half period seemed never ending as every sitcom, every talk show host, and every red-blooded American would place a "Show Me" in front of their phrase of choice (E.g. "show me the freeway on-ramp", "show me your ass", "show me the pickles". It gets sadder...). Many of us, unaffected by it, toyed with extreme measures to escape this torture, but sadly, not even death would save us, seeing as how chances were that upon entering the ivory gates of heaven, certainly someone would say "show me the halo."
And now, in the wake of the box-office gold struck by The Blair Witch Project, come the beginnings of another pun refusing to die. Listen people, honestly, at this point everyone has heard the joke THE BLAIR WARNER PROJECT. Yes, you are funny because you remember THE FACTS OF LIFE. Yes, you are tapping into our country's pop culture, lets remember the '80s retro vein. Yes, it is even funnier because Blair Warner was a bit of a witch on the old classic TV show.
Now it's time to move on. I do, however, find myself wondering if Britain will be forced to suffer through months of THE TONY BLAIR PROJECT once the movie opens on that side of the Atlantic.
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Relevant Links
http://www.blairwitch.com