To Begin, An Apology - by Andrew Wheeler
This being the very first edition of POPIMAGE, and the very first of my columns, I thought it wise to take this opportunity to issue certain corrections and ammendments relating to previous editions. Bear with me.In an article entitled 'The Sea King,' we wrongly asserted that JMW Turner, the early 19th century artist famous for his dramatic and emotive seascapes, including "The Fighting Temeraire" and "Ulysses Deriding Polyphemus", was responsible for creating the naked and curvaceous Top Cow T&A heroine FATHOM. That was, in fact, a different Turner. We apologise to Mr. Turner and his family for any distress caused.
In a profile on Chris Claremont, we accidentally claimed that the writer was "the best there is at what he does, and what he does ain't pretty". We believe this was due to a printing error, and regret that we did not catch the error sooner. Friends of Mr. Claremont have assured us that what he does is, in fact, very pretty. Furthermore, our claim that it was "your profile, Chris; your funeral" may have been misplaced.
Our recent retrospective on the life and works of John Byrne contained several errors. We claimed that Mr. Byrne had been a professional bookbinder in the court of King Carlos of Spain, that his first published work was The Erotic Adventures of Little Nemo, and that he was single-handedly responsible for the invention of the Rubik's Cube. Inexplicably, we seem to have completely dismissed the actual events of Mr. Byrne's life and concocted our own strange history. We cannot imagine how this error was allowed to occur.
The National Physiotherapists Association of America and the World Health Organisation have asked us to discontinue our "Get into shape with Todd McFarlane" exercise series. Apparently the human body will not contort into any of the poses shown in the illustrations without major internal haemorrhaging and the risk of death.
In our report on the ABC line, one of our staff writers asserted that he found Alan Moore to be "a little bit scary." Shortly thereafter, Mr. Moore appeared at our writer's house, sat in his kitchen, and proceeded to stare at him for the next three months. Our writer has pleaded with us to retract his previous statement and issue an apology. We are sorry we said you were scary, Mr. Moore. Very, very sorry. Please don't hurt us.
Our special feature on how to break into the comics industry as a writer contained a small error, in which we asserted that the first and most important rule was to grow a beard. We have been informed that this is not wholly correct, as neither Devin Grayson nor Louise Simonson has any facial hair whatsoever.
A Mr. G. Morrison of Glasgow has written to us asking us to apologise for a recent article on female comic book writers. He had no problem with the article itself, but was horrified to see that the placings of the letter E across the page mapped out a sigil which would bring about the end of the world through a rain of nymphomaniac cyber-cockroaches. Our heartfelt apologies to the world, Mr. Morrison, and all Mr. Morrison's little pixies.
Finally, we here at POPIMAGE have outlined an intention to treat comics seriously, not just as literature or art, but within the terms of their primary function; as entertainment.
For this, we make no apologies.
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