Do you recall those campy, fun, dare I say "kooky" romance comics that inspired Roy Liechtenstein paintings and locked a certain idea of Pop Art into the public consciousness for years? YOUNG ROMANCE #1 is not one of those comics.

Published in the fall of 1947, YOUNG ROMANCE #1 is a product of one of many collaborations between Joe Simon and Jack Kirby. It says on the cover, it was "Designed for the more adult readers of comics," and I'd have to concur if by "adult" they actually meant "insane." The stories in the volume run the gamut from ludicrous to bizarre to nonsensical to insane, but nowhere does "kooky" come into play.

The lead story is about a girl who accepts a ride from a cute boy. Turns out he's a gangster, sort of, but he's really just misunderstood, except he isn't. Her grandmother warns her about going out of the house, talking to other kids and generally being the least bit a teenager. The grandmother is a cross between Granny Goodness from NEW GODS and Principal Skinner's mother from "The Simpsons." The most disturbing thing is she's played straight. She really is quite insane and Kirby was never particularly kind to a woman's features. Most disturbing though, she sort of disappears entirely after page nine and no mention is made of her again. Maybe the girl and the sort-of gangster "took care" of her. She was right to worry after all.

The next story, "Farmer's Wife", is about a 21-year-old girl who marries a (gasp!) 36-year-old man, and immediately regrets it, because he becomes weak and tired all the time after they're married. (I think there's some social commentary here, but we'll skip it.) Perhaps the most amusing part of this story, aside from the puritanical imp who taunts her into accepting her husband's defaults, is that early in the story the husband receives a birthday cake with four candles on it, and we're told that "those four candles stand for nine years each!" - which is perhaps the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's as if the thought of a forty-year-old man marrying a 21-year-old woman was simply too ghastly an idea to bear, so they reduced his age in a truly bizarre bit of writing.

The remainder of the stories are similar in both unlikeliness and contrivance. A low-class, blue collar worker (who, when he's at home, dresses in a suit and tie and smokes a pipe) wins the heart of his girl by punching his boss in the face. It also earns him a promotion as his own father has wanted to punch the Boss in the face for years. A young girl who suffers abuse at the hands of a country bumpkin returns to him after being insulted by the richer crowd. She then learns to accept her station in life as one of the poor and desperate.

Perhaps the most disturbing story is "The Plight of the Suspicious Bride Groom," told from the point of view of said Bride Groom. Through the eyes of the Bride Groom. And you can actually see the strange grey-purple edges of the eyes and truly disturbing eyelashes. And the eyes are perfect circles spaced about a half-inch apart. Yes, really. It's like something out of an EC comic, rather than a romance from the 1940's. The hairy-knuckled gremlin in the disguise of a bell-boy who likes to break up people's engagements doesn't help matters either. I'll have nightmares about that one.

YOUNG ROMANCE isn't pop. It isn't kitsch. It isn't even fun. It's a tedious read through some of the stupidest, ugliest, most bizarre romance stories ever told. Even taking into account the relative "innocence" of the age in which it debuted, this book was incredibly ignorant. No matter how innocent you are, fragmented and incomplete stories, characters disappearing halfway through, plot contrivances and thoroughly unsuitable artwork make this one of the worst comics I've ever read. I mean, it sold a few million copies so maybe it's me who's out of the loop. But I honestly can't believe these were ever considered beautiful things.

I applaud DC Comics for it's Millenium Editions, they've brought a lot of important comics icons to the forefront, and made them available for today's readers. That said, the only value of YOUNG ROMANCE #1 is as cultural oddity and even then I'd shudder to think any real culture might be reflected in this.

Not Recommended

Christopher Butcher is Editor-in-Chief of PopImage. And he's not joking. This comic is the worst romance comic that he's ever read. Ever.

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